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/s/ - Stream of Consciousness

What are you feeling?
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 No.6

I cannot seem to choose between living a normal happy life where I feel like I'm doing nothing or living a life of tears and pain where I can actually do something useful
Now that I explicitly typed it out in a full sentence it seems blatantly obvious that no sane man should be capable of choosing between these things

 No.7

>>6
The latter sounds better to me tbh, but maybe I'm just a dumbass

 No.8

>>7
Not everyone would agree but I can imagine anyone wasting their time thinking about it in the first place would be the kind of person to prefer the latter as well
I was a bit ambivalent in my phrasing by "choosing" I actually mean "I know what I want I just don't have the mental fortitude to see it through 24/7 so I slink back to the other choice once in a while"

 No.9

>>8
Yeah, you're right. I feel like us depressos tend to be more introspective. It's not fun but it's something. I sort of appreciate it and I wouldn't trade it, but being a sad fuck is no fun.

I'm no nihilist, but I've come close kek

 No.10

>>9
I've gone full hedonist for a while which is similar but I never quite understood how nihilism makes sense
But yeah it really burns my britches either you suffer because of a lack of cause or you suffer to fight for your cause
It seems like the only way to fucking win on this gay trisomy 21 earth is to consciously decide to stop thinking

 No.11

>>9
But I do understand when you say you appreciate it
I do too, and I've had many bouts of big sad in the past where I ended up getting better eventually
But still I live my life perpetually thinking this might be the year where I can't cope anymore and I buckle under instead of buck up

 No.12

>>11
Life is like /b/. It's absolute shit, but occasionally something will come up that'll make you say "heh" and briefly makes you forget that it's total shit.

 No.13

>>12
fucking tiny carrot and massive stick

 No.14

>>13
Exactly. But sometimes that carrot is fucking tasty. Especially when you've been whacked with a stick all day an are fucking hungry.

 No.15

>>14
at the same time though it's hard sometimes to justify trudging through just for that carrot. i know it won't fill me, i know it'll pass, so what's the point if all my life is gonna be spent chasing something thats unobtainable for me?

 No.16

>>15
I guess it's mostly the fact everyone sees it differently. Whether it's a bad or good kind of difference, it's uniquely yours. End of the day nobody is going to experience the same things you do in the same way, so just based on that it's worth a lot.

 No.18

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>>10
>It seems like the only way to fucking win on this gay trisomy 21 earth is to consciously decide to stop thinking
Late to the party, but fuck it. I can relate, obsessive thinking is exhausting and can alter your perception of reality. Hold on, anon. Here I am, signing off at 420am

 No.19

>>18
man I'm glad I can just live sometimes

at least for a few moments you can just exist without any commitments and just be. That can be fucking nice.

 No.20

>>18
I hear you mate. I know I'm not alone in this.
But it sure damn well constantly feels like you're alone

 No.21

>>19
With all this nauseous amount of information getting in the brain, some kind of mental cleansing is needed. Forcing yourself to patiently observe simple activities works for me. Taking a calm walk in a park/forest, cooking, doing physical exercises or whatever else suit you. I also meditate if my head feels like a boulder, it does help, but if you're going for it - make it regular, otherwise you'll just ineffectively grasp the small portion.
>>20
Being with a bunch of people doesn't really mean you will feel less lonely. I can only have fun with few close friends. I don't even know if I want to be around others. Besides, not everyone who's alone is lonely. It's a matter of perspective, I guess.

 No.22

>>21
I've been alone for a really long time in my life. It does get lonely at some point.
You get over it, but you feel it multiple times at some points

 No.23

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>>22
Are you sure you still want to be alone then? Was this your decision? I get that you can experience depression either way, but if you are suffering for the wrong cause, you will end up hating yourself. For most of my life I was surrounded by people, yet never felt nothing but loneliness. On the other hand, being alone for me is more lively and peaceful. I can't be 100% open even with my family, so I try to find pals to chat with on the Wired. Isolation can be crazy, but it's necessary to embrace that state of mind rather than fight it just because it never stops. If you accept your mad genie, there will be no need to fight it afterwards.
"A man is born alone and dies alone…"

 No.24

>>23
I've done both. I decided semi-recently I should stop being alone. And I see the fun in not being alone again. But at the same time I also immediately see how being tied to other people's schedules makes me miss out on time spent on my own things as well. It's a bit of give and take no matter which way you choose really. But I've never been open and comfortable with anyone in my entire life outside of the internet. The few times I did either lead to people distancing from me, or I was just hanging out in seedy bars at 3-4 in the morning surrounded by people that hear the things come out of your mouth and begrudgingly understand what it's like to be a bit fucked.



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